Real Life isn't Always Easy

This past week has been interesting. I took this week off from my "3 day per week job", so I could work on farm projects & get caught up with household stuff too. I had lots of grand plans of painting, building, moving mountains of compost, working on fences, maybe even processing roosters! Monday, the only day I worked this week was pretty nice, weather-wise. But I was pretty much gone from 8am to 8pm, due to the Andes run for food waste after work, which often ends with chatting & catching up with a friend who also saves her food scraps "for the chickens & compost".  
Tuesday was hot and humid, mixed with a scattered showers. I slept in late, so had to hustle to get things done. I had lots of food waste to empty out. Plus I wanted to take the last month's worth of "compost" that the chickens had been working through & use the Dingo to make a pile. But apparently, it was too much, too soon, not enough water or food, and I almost fainted. I had to relax the rest of the evening, while helping a little while Mom & Nancy did our weekly meal prep. 
Wednesday was scattered rain showers, but most of the day was occupied at the Delhi Farmer's Market, doing a once a month cleaning service, supper, shower and Wed night home church. 
Thursday I sorted out hens to sell in the morning, then harvested garlic with Mom, worked on moving some compost, but rain in downpours and light sprinkles throughout the day. So, at the moment's notice, we'd have to stop and switch tasks. We ended up spray painting the food waste buckets on the covered deck while it sprinkled rain around us. I moved the last batch of chicks (took a break for awhile, before hatching more) out into the shed. 

 My mom came over several times this week, as she loves to help and I'd kind of bitten off more than I could chew in one week's time! This week was a multi-faceted lesson in trusting God and just going with the flow and focusing on the blessings, not the things that didn't go "as planned". I'm thankful that we got to harvest most of the garlic, work on some of the compost piles, got 20+ new buckets painted for @delhicommunitycompost, met more people at the Delhi Farmer's Market, and was able to downsize the adult flock by 16. 

-------------

Now, for some honest "talk" about real life and not just what we choose to show everyone on social media.
Beyond needing to get things done on the farm and at home, I wanted to have time to evaluate what's really important. And what things are making life more difficult or simply "stealing" valuable time.  I'm seeking God's wisdom how to simplify more, enjoy life more & not be so busy trying to "do everything". To be honest, many days I feel overwhelmed. People tell me, "I don't know how you do it all!"  More days than not, I don't know how I CAN do it all! It's more than one person can do. My brother Joel does help with projects, but everyday farm chores are my responsibility. I would love to be able to stay home "full time", but unfortunately, money is still needed to operate, so a part-time job is necessary. 

I don't currently know what the answer is, but I'm hoping that this time "off" will help sort out what's necessary and what's not. I know for one thing, breeding the Catskill Homesteader Chickens kind of took a back burner this year, in that, I still hatched, but I wasn't able to have as many separate breeding groups. That's one of the things I was hoping to work on, the log cabin coop & red barn coop in the garden, so I'd have two extra coops for breeding groups. While the pasture pens are great, they do add extra work, but then again so does cleaning out a stationary coop. I've been trying to reduce my overall flock size, so it'd be more manageable. Yet, at the same time, I need enough chickens to fulfill my egg customer orders. 
Plus enough roosters to grow out for meat. It's challenging at times. I love having a farm / homestead, but when trying to do everything becomes overwhelming, the balance is off. Something has to change. It's become more than I can do by myself, while also maintaining a house, working 3 days a week and running Delhi Community Compost. 

Part of the answer came Thursday afternoon. My iPhone died. I spend several hours trying to fix it, only to have to order another one. But this time "away" from constant notifications, reminders and easy accessibility to social media, texting and email, has made me realize something. Time management. In our society, we spend a lot of time on our phones, tablets, computers and other electronic "gadgets". We don't realize how much time they actually "eat up" until we don't have them at our access. They're supposed to help us "save time", but they've also been programmed to be addictive. I've known this, but still ended up getting sucked into its force. My biggest challenge with life right now is time. I don't seem to have enough of it & days fly by faster than ever before. But unknowingly, I was spending way too much time on my phone and not allowing myself enough time to get the necessary things of life done. 

So, while I did order a replacement iPhone 6, with God's help, I'm not going to be its "slave" any longer. Just because it's within arm's reach, doesn't mean I have to waste hours throughout a day on it. Yes, its a great way to communicate quickly, but self-control and time management is extremely important when we have these devices that can either enhance life or suck life from us. Modern technology is a double-edged sword. But we must master it and not allow it to take over our lives. 
My biggest "problem" with having a iPhone has been accessibility to movies, tv shows, etc. I grew up in a home without a TV or cable, and it wasn't until I was 9 years old that we got a VHS player. We only watched wholesome family movies and documentaries, as a family, at the beginning, a few times a month. Gradually, it increased to every weekend. When we got a computer and eventually internet that could stream videos, that opened up a whole other world. But still, it was limited. 
Over time, though, the entertainment realm got its hooks in me, especially once I got my first iPhone. Youtube is crazy addictive. Studies have proven it, and I've experienced it first-hand. I wanted to stop, I knew I should, but somehow I ended up binge-watching whole tv shows or multiple movies. Sometimes it was while I was working on a project inside - under the guise of "multi-tasking". But truthfully, it takes way longer than if I just focused on the task at hand. Other times, I would stay awake late watching something in bed, and it became the reason I "pulled an all-nighter" for the first time a few years ago. I tried to hide it, as I was ashamed that I'd become "one of those people". The truth is, I was addicted. It might not have been drugs or alcohol, but it's still an addiction. I felt powerless against it and every time I determined to stop, it'd only last so long before I'd slip back into it. It was a vicious cycle. 
I might be writing in past tense, but I've only just begun the process of overcoming this addiction, for real this time. The first step is to admit it. It's sucked the life out of me, made me tired after staying up too late at night. It's made me rush to do my morning chores. It's made me late. It's made me procrastinate on housework, projects I was working on & more. I took the first step last week by canceling my subscription to a streaming service, since it made it way too easy to watch whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Over a year ago, I did share this struggle with a few people, determined to stop, but it only became worse. It doesn't matter what kind of addiction a person has, it has similar underlying causes and effects. 

For me, even though I outwardly show that I love the life I'm living, deep inside there's disappointment from expectations and a life I thought I'd be living. So, I would "escape reality" by watching movies or tv shows, because I wouldn't have to deal with "real life" as much. We humans tend of form a picture of what our life will be life, often from a young age. Mine was simple - get married, have kids & be a stay-at-home-mom. Gradually, I added to that "dream", living on a farm and raising our own food & animals. As the years passed and the first part of my dream didn't come about, I started to work on making the latter part a reality. But, there's always been something missing, a husband and children. I even had someone in mind who I thought would be "the one". That door closed. I believe when the time is right, God will provide. But waiting is difficult, especially when the big 3-0 is approaching faster than anticipated. I turned to entertainment, rather than seeking God more, to help me "cope". In reality, though, it only made matters worse. Even as I was trying to find ways to "simplify" and make life "easier", I was in fact doing the opposite, because I sunk deeper into the addiction hole. I always thought addiction only applied to drugs and alcohol, but just about anything, we can become addicted to. I wasn't willing to admit it, even though I knew it was true. That is, until my iPhone died. I knew it was a wake-up call, to get my life back on track. And to start on the path to recovery and overcoming this addiction. 

The antidote? Whenever I'm tempted to fall back into it, I need to call out to God. I can't do it on my own. When I want to "escape", the Word of God enables me to refocus my vision. Worship is also powerful and necessary for survival in this life. Part of the reason I didn't want to admit to this addiction was simply because of my life-long faith in God. Wouldn't that be a hypocrite? Believe what you want, but I actually believe God allowed me to go down this path of addiction to experience what it's like, so that in time, I can be a vessel through which He can reach those that also struggle with addiction. Just because someone is a "Christian", doesn't mean that they're exempt from falling into the temptation that ultimately Eve was tempted with. In fact, sometimes it makes us have a bulls-eye on our back, because the enemy wants to destroy or even hinder slightly the work of God, so that we can't fully reach the potential the God intends for us. But God causes all things to work together for good, to those who love God and are called according to His purposes. (Romans 8:28) 
While this addiction can be viewed as a "weakness", I believe that somehow God will use this experience to cause growth and even strength that otherwise I wouldn't have. I know it won't be easy overcoming this, but as God said to Cain, "sin is crouching at the door, but you must master it." Every single moment of the day, we have choices. We don't always make the "right" ones, but if we can learn and grow from our "mistakes", then it's worth it.